Just Another Day At Walmart

Everyone knows that Walmart seems to bring together all the people of the world that are a bit 'off' in a sense of looks, personality, integrity and over-all fit in the category of "shouldn't be allowed in public". If you haven't checked out the Walmart website, I suggest you do if  for nothing more than a good laugh. http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/ It seems everytime I go to Walmart, I have a new experience, which somedays I think is nearly impossible to top the last. The Walmart closest to our house is nothing short of being classified as the collect all of white trash, which makes me wonder why I don't drive a few miles out of my way to go to a Walmart of higher "scale". To give you an idea of what we endure at this Walmart, the day before Rylan was born my camera broke. In a panic, I go to Walmart around 9pm in need of a new camera. Here I am, 10 days overdue with this child that refuses to come out so my patience for people are very thin to begin with but I didn't expect a trip to the parking lot of Walmart would lighten my mood. As I'm walking into the store, out come 2 grown men, roughly age 40 wearing pirate outfits. Wooden leg shoes, swords, eye patches and a stuffed parrot on their shoulders....are you serious? If you remember, Rylan was born in July so it was NOT a Halloween costume. As I'm approaching the door, I hear another guy ask them about their attire only to hear the response "we're pirates, got a problem with that?" Touche' my friends!

This brings me to today. I take Rylan grocery shopping with me, just a short visit so I don't anticipate anything too incredibly odd happening. How wrong could I be? I am standing in the cereal aisle, eyeing the fruit snacks and granola bars when an older lady (70-ish) walks by pushing her cart. This poor lady is experiencing some of the worst walking farts I've ever heard in my life...and holy crap, the smell that followed her was something I can't put into words. So here we are standing in the aisle, fart bag walking by and another lady & man with their cart behind her...poor unsuspecting victims. As she passes me, she tells her man friend "geez, that lady should change her baby's diaper". While I appreciate the fact that you are looking out for the welfare of my child, please be aware of the fact that never in his life has he ever smelled even close to remotely as bad as the fart bag does. Seeing that we were the only people in the aisle, there was no other baby she could have been referring to. Instead of saying something, which I normally do because I have no censor on my mouth, I carry about my shopping. When we get into the next aisle, it's the same scenario...same people, same farting except old lady and other couple are on the other end of the aisle but still in ear shot.

The couple passes the fart bag and quickly rushes to the center of the aisle where I hear them gasping for air, which is no surprise as they have been following the fart bag for a good 100 feet and probably need new lungs now but then it's said! Man says "holy shit, that lady needs some Beano" lady says "I feel bad I blamed the baby in the other aisle" HA HA HA! Take that people! I appreciate that you mistakenly blamed my poor child for being the stinky kid in Walmart but now I find it hilarious that you were stuck behind the gas train and got to endure the toxic fumes!