I never used to care much about the newspaper being delivered daily until I started scoping the Sunday paper for coupons! Turns out, if you take 5 minutes out of your Sunday to check out the coupons, you can actually save quite a bit of money. Quite a while back, like 2 years ago, our old roommate ordered the daily local newspaper. It was delievered every day and most days just accummulated in the driveway because no one ever cared that we were getting it. After a few days, we would throw them all out until I started collecting the Sunday paper. I'm not sure if the roommate felt bad for the newspaper kid peddling the papers or what but he decided one day to order it, paid for it in advance and never once even opened the paper.
Worked for me once I realized how useful the Sunday paper could be! Last week, something changed. There was no paper delivered on Sunday. I wondered if they had forgot to deliver it or if someone decided to steal our paper. Then it occurred to me, Oh No the subscription ended!! No more free paper for me. Crap, now what was I going to do? No paper all week didn't seem to bother me until today, Sunday again and no damn paper laying in the driveway. But today was a different feeling than last week. While I'm outside feeling sorry for the newspaper that wasn't delivered, I have a weird, creepy feeling that someone or something is watching me, stalking me, waiting for me to make a move. I look around and see nothing but the feeling does not disappear. It's quiet outside, as it should be at 8am on a Sunday morning. No people outside but still a lurking feeling that something was watching me.
I turned around to come back in the house and continued to have that feeling so I stopped, looked around for a second and then I see it! The birds...the birds are stalking me! They are hiding in the trees, in the grass, in the bushes, on the neighbors roof....watching me! I couldn't help but stare at them for a minute, wondering if I was going to be their breakfast from the way they were watching me but then figured birds are harmless and more afraid of people than we are of them, after all, they are tiny birds!
Wrong, oh how wrong could I have been! At some point in time, I must have looked at one wrong. They start chirping mean chirps to each other and are on the move. The are flying around the driveway, dive bombing me, all the while screaming at me in their little bird voices. That was it, I was about to become bird food in the driveway! As I creep towards the door, not daring to turn my back on them they come at me. Now they are dive bombing me and on the ground walking/running/hoping towards me....holy crap! I don't dare open the door or they might come chasing me into the house, what the hell do I do? I'm talking to them, hoping my neighbors aren't outside or they might think I've lost my mind completely, but on the other hand hoping someone is watching in case I start to get attacked by the little feathered stalkers. Finally, a break in wings and I can make a run for it! A car drives by, loud enough vehicle to get the attention of the birds to change their view from "breakfast" to making sure they aren't going to get run over and in that split second, I have enough time to get my butt in the house without any followers and still having my eyeballs intact!
While I'm still a little upset that we are no longer receiving the Sunday Paper, I will feel much safer driving to the store to buy one instead of fending off the aviation attack in the front yard!
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Friday, February 25, 2011
Depths of Responsibility
Responsibility is an important part of being an adult and just life in general. It seems like there is a black and white side to responsibility, no gray area involved. Either you have it or you don't. Responsibility can be anything ranging from having chores to complete as a child, doing homework, getting good grades, finding a job and keeping it, financial responsibilities such as saving money, paying bills, not spending money frivolously unless of course you are fortunate enough to win the lottery, having the ability to cook a simple meal, do laundry and clean up after yourself or just simply knowing what you should or shouldn't do.
Some people have good knowledge of responsibility, while others don't understand the concept of the word. To me, responsibility is a learned behavior. If a child grows up having everything handed to them, people always doing everything for them and someone there to always clean up their messes, that child is more likely to lack responsibility because they have the learned behavior that they don't need to do things on their own.
I grew up in a home that had a motto "god bless the child that gets their own" which also encompassed the idea of "cleaning up after yourself". There were times where I despised my childhood for the fact that some of my friends had better toys that I had or name brand clothes, none of which defines a person but as a child, you don't understand that. With having rules, boundaries and forms of self responsibility set in place, I was able to grow up as a person that is able to take care of myself and know what it is like to live as a responsible adult. I have encountered people who, as adults have no idea how to operate a washing machine because their parents always did their laundry. People who know nothing about finances because whenever they didn't have money, their parents "paid them off". People who have no common sense (see previous blog on common sense) when it comes to supporting themselves because everything was handed to them or bought for them. I've also come across people that have children that maybe should have thought twice about reproducing because they have no concept of responsibility when it comes to children. News flash, small children are VERY dependent on their parents for the obvious fact that they can't do things for themselves, ex: babies can't get their own food, change their own diapers, can't walk to get something they want across the room which leaves us, as parents to do it for them.....parental responsibility.
Now, I'm not saying that every person that grew up with parents doing everything for them is lacking responsibility and I'm also not saying that every child growing up to "fend for themselves" are going to be the most responsible people in the world. What I am saying is there are so many people out there that have no grasp on reality to even realize when they are being irresponsible. Open your eyes people! Going to a fast food restaurant everyday, wondering why you're gaining weight and then blaming the fast food chains....personal irresponsibility. Seeing money in your bank account, spending it and overdrawing your account because you "forgot" about an outstanding transaction....financial irresponsibility. Leaving your child sitting in a poopy diaper for a while because you don't want to change it....parental irresponsibility. There is irresponsibility that lurks around every corner, be careful...it bites without warning!
Some people have good knowledge of responsibility, while others don't understand the concept of the word. To me, responsibility is a learned behavior. If a child grows up having everything handed to them, people always doing everything for them and someone there to always clean up their messes, that child is more likely to lack responsibility because they have the learned behavior that they don't need to do things on their own.
I grew up in a home that had a motto "god bless the child that gets their own" which also encompassed the idea of "cleaning up after yourself". There were times where I despised my childhood for the fact that some of my friends had better toys that I had or name brand clothes, none of which defines a person but as a child, you don't understand that. With having rules, boundaries and forms of self responsibility set in place, I was able to grow up as a person that is able to take care of myself and know what it is like to live as a responsible adult. I have encountered people who, as adults have no idea how to operate a washing machine because their parents always did their laundry. People who know nothing about finances because whenever they didn't have money, their parents "paid them off". People who have no common sense (see previous blog on common sense) when it comes to supporting themselves because everything was handed to them or bought for them. I've also come across people that have children that maybe should have thought twice about reproducing because they have no concept of responsibility when it comes to children. News flash, small children are VERY dependent on their parents for the obvious fact that they can't do things for themselves, ex: babies can't get their own food, change their own diapers, can't walk to get something they want across the room which leaves us, as parents to do it for them.....parental responsibility.
Now, I'm not saying that every person that grew up with parents doing everything for them is lacking responsibility and I'm also not saying that every child growing up to "fend for themselves" are going to be the most responsible people in the world. What I am saying is there are so many people out there that have no grasp on reality to even realize when they are being irresponsible. Open your eyes people! Going to a fast food restaurant everyday, wondering why you're gaining weight and then blaming the fast food chains....personal irresponsibility. Seeing money in your bank account, spending it and overdrawing your account because you "forgot" about an outstanding transaction....financial irresponsibility. Leaving your child sitting in a poopy diaper for a while because you don't want to change it....parental irresponsibility. There is irresponsibility that lurks around every corner, be careful...it bites without warning!
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Vehicle Accessory Nightmares
As I'm driving home from work this morning, todays blog topic came relatively easy for me. I was sitting at a stoplight, thinking about what I was going to eat for breakfast when a Dodge Durango pulls up next to me. Instantly, I'm drawn to looking at it but not because I'm in awe over how "pretty" the vehicle is, but disgusted and thankful that I hadn't just eaten or I would have barfed all over the place.
Here sits a silver Durango with blue pin stripes down the side. Not the "attractive" looking stripes, but 4 hand-wide stripes in a zig-zag pattern down the side of his vehicle. The Durango sat up high, as naturally the guy has a lift kit on it to try and make his mid-size SUV a monster truck. The windows were tinted but with purple-ish reflective tint, you know the kind of crap you see when you look at a pair of 1980 sunglasses. The tires are set out so half of the tire is past where the side of the vehicle is, and here's the high point of the tires, they have GOLD spinners! I find myself eyeing his vehicle as if I just witnessed a train wreck, mouth open a little with a dazed look on my face. Must have caught his eye because he rolls his window down, gives me a nod and cracks a smile. Now I'm not focused on the car anymore....yikes! Please let the light turn green now!! This guy was a cross between Marilyn Manson and Bill Clinton, except missing all but like 3 teeth. Pretty sure he managed to kill what was left of the ozone layer with all the Aquanet he layered on his head to get his hair to stand up like Pauly D on Jersey Shore.
As if this atrocious eye sore isn't enough, the light turns green, THANK GOD, and I get to focus back on the vehicle. He floors it, peel out failed! His exhaust...oh boy where to start? It's a gold tip exhaust that sounds like a crotch rocket. Nothing like a "souped-up" Durango sounding like an egg beater! The best part of all of this is the license plate. Now, what would a top-dog G with a pimp ride have for personalized plates? You guessed it: "IGTLAYD". Are you serious? First things first, it could stand for "I Get Laid" which is highly unlikely considering this punk is as attractive as Freddy Kruger. It could also stand for "I Got Laid" which is still a long shot but hey, he's gotta brag about something right? Last but not least, it could also stand for "I'm Gross To Ladies, Ask Your Dog" which is much more plausible seeing that I would put money on either of my dogs peeing on him, instead of licking him!! Epic fail for the day!
Here sits a silver Durango with blue pin stripes down the side. Not the "attractive" looking stripes, but 4 hand-wide stripes in a zig-zag pattern down the side of his vehicle. The Durango sat up high, as naturally the guy has a lift kit on it to try and make his mid-size SUV a monster truck. The windows were tinted but with purple-ish reflective tint, you know the kind of crap you see when you look at a pair of 1980 sunglasses. The tires are set out so half of the tire is past where the side of the vehicle is, and here's the high point of the tires, they have GOLD spinners! I find myself eyeing his vehicle as if I just witnessed a train wreck, mouth open a little with a dazed look on my face. Must have caught his eye because he rolls his window down, gives me a nod and cracks a smile. Now I'm not focused on the car anymore....yikes! Please let the light turn green now!! This guy was a cross between Marilyn Manson and Bill Clinton, except missing all but like 3 teeth. Pretty sure he managed to kill what was left of the ozone layer with all the Aquanet he layered on his head to get his hair to stand up like Pauly D on Jersey Shore.
As if this atrocious eye sore isn't enough, the light turns green, THANK GOD, and I get to focus back on the vehicle. He floors it, peel out failed! His exhaust...oh boy where to start? It's a gold tip exhaust that sounds like a crotch rocket. Nothing like a "souped-up" Durango sounding like an egg beater! The best part of all of this is the license plate. Now, what would a top-dog G with a pimp ride have for personalized plates? You guessed it: "IGTLAYD". Are you serious? First things first, it could stand for "I Get Laid" which is highly unlikely considering this punk is as attractive as Freddy Kruger. It could also stand for "I Got Laid" which is still a long shot but hey, he's gotta brag about something right? Last but not least, it could also stand for "I'm Gross To Ladies, Ask Your Dog" which is much more plausible seeing that I would put money on either of my dogs peeing on him, instead of licking him!! Epic fail for the day!
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Laugh Your Butt Off
Everyone has at one time said "I laughed so hard my stomach hurt", where something is so funny, you have tears in your eyes, you clench your stomach and can barely breathe. Is this a bad thing? Absolutely not! Laughing is better for your health than one might think. It increases Oxygen to you blood (which is odd since you feel like you can't breathe), it releases Endorphins aka "happy" brain chemicals, it reduces muscle tension and you can lose your butt, literally! Laughing burns calories!! Talk about an easy diet plan! Laughing burns 10-40 calories per day when you laugh 15 minutes a day. Doesn't seem like a lot, right? But hey, you're burning calories for having fun and not doing much....who can beat that? Here's the best thing. Although 10-40 calories doesn't seem like it would really make a difference, in a years time of burning those calories daily, you can lose about 4 pounds a year just by laughing for 15 minutes a day. That is 40 pounds in 10 years for all of you that don't have calculators handy! So now you have some information that will allow you to sit on your butt, laugh for a few minutes and burn some calories! Wait, even better!! You can read this blog everyday, laugh at it and I will be endorsing your new diet plan!! Fees are negotiable :)
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Old Blog Archives
While searching my blog archives for something a friend of mine reminded me of, I found this one. Another Oldie but Goodie. Although, it's not nearly as great as the one I couldn't find...sorry Amber, no "Couch Gun"...sad!
I'm sure there are plenty more things out there that just drive me bonkers but here's the starting roster:
~ People with no common sense. Anyone can be book smart but if you don't have a tiny bit of street brains, you're as good as dead and therefore, shouldn't be allowed in public.
~ Spam! Who in the world enjoys eating something slimy, jello-ized and made of God knows what that comes out of a rectangular can? It's like eating a giant box of fat!
~ Light up deer! Those things are taking over the Christmas world…in cahoots with the blow up Snow globes! Light up deer are annoying. It was bad enough when they were just standing in one place. Now they move, they come standing in different positions, some with red noses…families of deer taking over yards across America
~ People the say they are going to call and never do. Understandable that things come up but for the love of Christ, don't do it repeatedly! Once, maybe even twice is excusable but any more than that is listed in the "do not call again" list!
~ Bad drivers! This subject could go up in flames! Changing lanes without signaling. Turning without signaling. Driving down the road for 15 miles with your blinker on. Speeding up in the exit lane and cutting someone off. Driving the speed limit in the fast lane. Riding the brakes for no apparent reason. Creeping forward at a stop light will not make it turn green any quicker! The list could go on forever!
~ People that talk on their cell phones in the most inappropriate places. No one in the grocery store or gas station check out line, the bank or especially the doctors office cares about what you ate for dinner last night while on a horrible blind date!
~ Clove cigarettes—fuckin' nasty! Have some consideration for the rest of the world that can endure the smell of regular cigarettes but don't feel the need to be blasted by a hazy cloud of smoke that smells worse than ass! Nothing about those are attractive!
~ Telemarketers! Another subject deemed straight to hell. Those bastards not only call 100 times a day, but they have their friends call too. The best ones are when you answer and they put you on hold for "a very important message"!! Lick my ass! Don't call me and put me on hold. I don't give a flying saucer what the hell you're selling, promoting, campaigning for or giving away! I don't want any so stop calling!!
~ Ah! The lovely pop-up ads. They never cease to fire up at any given moment, no matter how many pop-up blockers and spam busters you have. And now they have gotten tricky! The "close" button moves on some of them and are trickier than Rubic's cube to get off the screen! Again, I don't want any of what you're offering so get the hell off my screen!
~ Toilet paper that goes the wrong way. Not only is it a pain in the ass (not literally) for it to come from underneath, it's been proven to waste more toilet paper. Think of those poor trees…over the top is the only way to go J
~ Public transportation: ex: bus, taxi, light rail. ICK! Talk about a breeding bonanza for germs! You could run those bitches through an autoclave and God knows what would still be crawling around.
~ Liars! People that lie, manipulate or deceive others should all be shot! There is no excuse for it!
~ The taste of the glue on envelopes. Its so gross it makes you lick the envelope so fast to get away from the nasty taste resulting in a papercut in the worse possible place on your tongue. Sorry honey—no tongue action tonight—I was injured while mailing the phone bill.
~ Shaving. Just another way to injure yourself terribly while rushing because it just sucks that much!
~ Daylight savings time—why? Do people really care that the day appears longer/shorter because you adjusted your clock? Arizona
~ Flavored water enriched with vitamins! Are you kidding me? Sure it tastes good but why not spend your money on a gallon of orange juice and know for sure you are really getting what you paid for—and more!
~ The stupid seatbelt demonstrations on airplanes. Anyone that has ever been anywhere in the damn world knows how to operate a fucking seatbelt. It's not like they are child proof, or even the slightest bit tricky to figure out.
~ Controversial talk about the flavor of semen. Yes, it's true that certain foods can make it taste better or worse but c'mon…if you don't like the taste of it, don't put it in your mouth!
~Shopping for toothpaste. Who knew that oral hygiene could be such a rat race? Lets start by the different types. Do we want gel? Paste? A pump container? A tube? Whitening? Cavity Protection? Tartar Control? Sensitive teeth formula? 12 Hour protection? With breath strips? Sparkly or not? Then there are the flavors! Mint, orange, vanilla, cinnamon, spearmint, vanilla mint, cinnamint, bubble gum. So many decisions and yet a simple frickin answer to the mayhem! Brush your teeth regularly and you don't have to worry about problems!
~ Fat people in spandex! Do they not realize that spandex doesn't do good things for anyone…especially when the kankles and camel toes are in full view? There should be a warning label on that shit: Objects in spandex will appear more defined and larger than life!
~ PeOpLe ThAt wRiTE LiKe tHiS---what's the point? You're still saying the same stupid shit as before but writing like that has just proven a few things: 1) you have too much time on your hands. 2) You're an idiot and just made it very obvious. 3) Attempting to disguise the fact that you can't spell didn't work!
~ "Baby on Board" window stickers! I was thinking "Geez, good thing for that sticker. I was going to hit you but I guess I'll find someone else now"
~ Door to door evangelizing. We know you exist. Hell, we even know where you're located! Nobody needs the day to day reminder that your flock shack is there! If I were interested—I'd come to you!
~ People that name their children without a thought process. Allowing your child to walk around with the name Mike Hunt, Dick Hertz or Hugh Jass is requesting that someone beat the shit out of you! You might as well give your kid a helmet as soon as they are born cause they're gonna need it!
~ Automated phone systems! You usually called because of a problem in the first place—not to talk to a stupid machine that progresses you towards a stroke as you scream "I just want a human" 100 times!
~ The phrase "you want your cake and eat it to" Damn right!! What fun is cake if you can't eat it? What am I suppose to do….stare at it?
~ Getting pulled over and being asked "Do you know why I pulled you over?" I'm sure I am well aware of the fact that I was doing something illegal but at this point—admitting to it isn't a good option. Do you know why you pulled me over? If not, I'm not going to list a reason why you should have!
~ Burger King commercials. It's hard to distinguish which is worse! A creepy king with a giant plastic head that seems to appear in the strangest places all the time or the Big Huckin' Chicken! There aren't enough words to reiterate the fact that both those advertising attempts have made me hate Burger King!!
~ Road Construction: or the lack of it where it's deemed necessary. Why pave the same highway 5 times in 10 years but not fix all the damn potholes everywhere? It's a conspiracy between the city workers and the auto body/mechanics of the world!
~ White Castle
A) Surround yourself with 100's of people that have the flu
B) Take a weeks worth of laxatives at one sitting
C) Engage in some hardcore drinking of the cheapest beer, wine and liquor ever made!
For God sakes, don't eat White Castle
~ Flavored condoms! Why? Why? Why? No matter what flavor they claim to be they still taste like disgusting rubber!
~ Campbells
~ Those stupid little subscription cards in massive amounts in magazines! I think one, maybe even two are acceptable but 15? C'mon…everyone knows how to subscribe to a magazine if they want to. We don't need those dumb cards floating around our house for months!
~ The fact that anytime you go anywhere or call anywhere, they ask what language you want. Did we forget that this is the USA
~ MN drivers on the first snow fall day of the season! I've lived in MN nearly my whole life so this may be obvious to me. Pretty sure even the people that live in Tahiti know that every year it snows in the North. Don't act like you've never seen the shit before or that since last year you magically forgot how to drive in it!
Facebook is the Devil
What has the world come to? As if cell phones and texting didn't already put a damper on peoples ability to have a conversation with someone, everyone and their mother (including mine) is on facebook. Before Facebook, it was Myspace...another classic way to stalk your friends and waste a lot of time decorating your page. Been there, done that....stupid! Anyway, Facebook is the devil! Why are people so wrapped up in things on facebook? Status updates, ugh! One, two, maybe a couple updates a day are ok. Usually they are funny little updates about random things that have happened during your day. The ones I don't get, "I just woke up" 5 minutes later "I drank coffee" 5 minutes later "Need to take a shower" 5 minutes later "Don't want to go to work" 5 minutes later "Driving down the road" 5 minutes later "Just got into an accident because I'm updating my FB status while driving". You get the picture! Those people that feel the need to tell Facebook everything they are doing throughout the day, where you are, who you're with, what color your pee was in the morning, etc. Do you really think people give a shit??
Thank god for "hide" buttons on Facebook so you can hide those Facebook overachieving, annoying people! Now, as if the status updates weren't enough, you can check-in to a place and let the facebook world know "Jack has checked in at home" or "Jill is at Walmart" WHO FRICKIN CARES??? Are you telling me that you have nothing better to do in your life that before you walk into a place, you have to get on Facebook on your phone and let people know you're grocery shopping? Seriously!
Is Facebook annoying yet? YES! But, there is more....yes, more! Games....or are they really games or just another useless way to kill time and drive people crazy? I swear to god, whoever created Farmville, Cityville, Sorority Girls, Mafia Wars and all those other stupid things should get a size 14 boot up their ass! I don't care if people want to play them, more power to you but STOP sending me requests to help you grow corn or catch a cow. I don't play that shit, never have, never will....stop sending me 100 requests a day! It's not going to change my mind and while you're wasting your time sending me these stupid "join my farm" requests, I'm thinking you're a dumbass that needs a hobby! Why is Facebook trying to make everyone nuts? Oh yes, so they can make more money!
Speaking of money....who in their right mind spends money on Facebook Credits? Need I even ask? Probably those people that send out 1000 "feed my pig" requests! Something about spending money on Facebook credits to play games, buy "upgrades" on games and crap like that doesn't make sense to me. Someone please enlighten me as to why people find it necessary to buy this crap? Now, let me make this clear! I am NOT asking why people play these games...I already know the answer to that. In fact, many people have told me it's a mindless way to wind down at night, killing time before bed. To each their own, but STOP sending me the damn -Villes solicitations!
Thank god for "hide" buttons on Facebook so you can hide those Facebook overachieving, annoying people! Now, as if the status updates weren't enough, you can check-in to a place and let the facebook world know "Jack has checked in at home" or "Jill is at Walmart" WHO FRICKIN CARES??? Are you telling me that you have nothing better to do in your life that before you walk into a place, you have to get on Facebook on your phone and let people know you're grocery shopping? Seriously!
Is Facebook annoying yet? YES! But, there is more....yes, more! Games....or are they really games or just another useless way to kill time and drive people crazy? I swear to god, whoever created Farmville, Cityville, Sorority Girls, Mafia Wars and all those other stupid things should get a size 14 boot up their ass! I don't care if people want to play them, more power to you but STOP sending me requests to help you grow corn or catch a cow. I don't play that shit, never have, never will....stop sending me 100 requests a day! It's not going to change my mind and while you're wasting your time sending me these stupid "join my farm" requests, I'm thinking you're a dumbass that needs a hobby! Why is Facebook trying to make everyone nuts? Oh yes, so they can make more money!
Speaking of money....who in their right mind spends money on Facebook Credits? Need I even ask? Probably those people that send out 1000 "feed my pig" requests! Something about spending money on Facebook credits to play games, buy "upgrades" on games and crap like that doesn't make sense to me. Someone please enlighten me as to why people find it necessary to buy this crap? Now, let me make this clear! I am NOT asking why people play these games...I already know the answer to that. In fact, many people have told me it's a mindless way to wind down at night, killing time before bed. To each their own, but STOP sending me the damn -Villes solicitations!
Monday, February 21, 2011
Unsolicited Advice
After posting something to my girls on my baby board, I feel the need to blog about this! Unsolicited Advice!! Everyone has those "know-it all" friends or family members that have something to say about everything you do, or don't do. Whether it be the way you cook, clean, shop, tie your shoes, raise your child right down to the way you should fold your bath towels....everyone has their own opinion on what works for them. When does a person draw the line on dishing out unsolicited advice? Now, before I get too far into this, I must say there IS a difference between trying to be helpful with advice and sharing stories of what may work or has worked for someone else. The problem arises when someone is constantly saying something should be done this way or that way, telling you how to raise your child up to someone elses standards or telling you what you've been doing for days/months/years isn't the "right" way, even though it works for you.
Let me give a few examples of what has happened to me. Names have been changed to protect the identities of potential advice violators.
1) Washing laundry: I have been doing laundry for years. Many more years than some people have been alive. What I do works for me, my clothes are clean and it's not a problem...for me anyway. Here is what I do. I seperate reds, darks, jeans, towels, Rylan's clothes, Joel's work clothes and whites. Apparently this is incorrect. Unsolicited advice given now: whites need to be seperated as well, into whites and socks. Socks get their own load. Not only their own load, but they must soak in bleach overnight in a seperate container. Not gonna happen in my world but thanks for trying!
2) How to raise your child: This is a big one that is often on the fence about trying to help and unsolicited advice. Giving helpful tips on what may work to soothe a child, enhance feeding, making more comfortable, etc is always welcome! Anything to make something easier in the arms of a child is GREAT! The problem comes when people say someone should do something one way or another. Point taken here: "it works better if you feed your baby solid food when he's starving, he'll eat more and won't eat as much formula, which will save you money" thank you for trying to save me money but solids in the form of baby food are not a caloric intake, therefore not giving baby the appropriate nutrition needed and he still needs the same amount of formula. Point taken here: you should never take your child outdoors when it's windy or chilly outside, they will get sick. Again, thanks for the concern about MY child but here's a little fact, germs make you sick, not cold! And if someone thinks I'm staying cooped up in my house to avoid a little cold weather, they're high. Not to mention, I think someone is making money off the idea that they invented hats, mittens and jackets! Just a few examples.
3) How to fold your clothes: Not sure why this is a big deal to some people, anal retentive much? Again, I've been folding and hanging up my clothes for several years and what I do works for me. Guess I was wrong again! It's been pointed out that the way I fold my clothes makes them have more wrinkles...as if I give a shit? They are lucky to be folded in the first place, usually they get rolled in a ball in the corner of the room, you think I'm worried about wrinkles?
4) My child is better than your child: This is a big one that has happened more than a few times! Those that remember (it's not something I can forget) Rylan has a milk protein intolerance, making him unable to digest milk properly and causing him to be extremely crabby! If we all remember right, there was a solid month where he lost weight, cried and wouldn't sleep. Think I didn't try everything I could to make it better?? I did! Finally he was diagnosed and the problem has since resolved. Meanwhile, I was getting emails, phone calls, text messages, etc giving me any kind of idea to help Rylan or resolve the issue, many of those were greatly appreciated. However, there was one that stands out in my mind where to this day, I still want to kick your ass for even saying it! Point taken here: I receive an email from 'Joan' telling me that her 'friends' baby (who is a month younger than Rylan) weighs more than Rylan, is a happy baby and sleeps just fine. 'Joan' tells me I should contact 'Sally' and get some tips from her on how she gets her baby to cooperate so well, gain weight and sleep great. 'Sally' is a first time mom as well and her baby has no health issues. 'Joan' then proceeds to tell me that 'Sally' is the best mom ever because her baby is so perfect. Here is my thought: take your unsolicited advice and shove it! So because my child has a health issue that made him lose weight and not sleep, that makes me a bad mom? Shove it! A side note on this topic: 'Marge' says "well my baby is crawling all over, or standing or walking, etc.... and he is younger than Rylan" or "well my baby has x amount of teeth and Rylan doesn't have any" GOOD FOR YOUR CHILD! It's not a secret that babies develop at different rates and just because Rylan doesn't have teeth and isn't crawling doesn't mean he's delayed in any way, shape or form. It means he's not biting me and running away!
So these are just a few examples of unsolicited advice, or just outright rudeness! While advice is usually welcomed from most people, offering advice is a tricky subject. You can always say "this is what worked for me" or "you may want to try this" but never, ever, EVER should your advice consist of the words "you should" or "this is the right way".
Let me give a few examples of what has happened to me. Names have been changed to protect the identities of potential advice violators.
1) Washing laundry: I have been doing laundry for years. Many more years than some people have been alive. What I do works for me, my clothes are clean and it's not a problem...for me anyway. Here is what I do. I seperate reds, darks, jeans, towels, Rylan's clothes, Joel's work clothes and whites. Apparently this is incorrect. Unsolicited advice given now: whites need to be seperated as well, into whites and socks. Socks get their own load. Not only their own load, but they must soak in bleach overnight in a seperate container. Not gonna happen in my world but thanks for trying!
2) How to raise your child: This is a big one that is often on the fence about trying to help and unsolicited advice. Giving helpful tips on what may work to soothe a child, enhance feeding, making more comfortable, etc is always welcome! Anything to make something easier in the arms of a child is GREAT! The problem comes when people say someone should do something one way or another. Point taken here: "it works better if you feed your baby solid food when he's starving, he'll eat more and won't eat as much formula, which will save you money" thank you for trying to save me money but solids in the form of baby food are not a caloric intake, therefore not giving baby the appropriate nutrition needed and he still needs the same amount of formula. Point taken here: you should never take your child outdoors when it's windy or chilly outside, they will get sick. Again, thanks for the concern about MY child but here's a little fact, germs make you sick, not cold! And if someone thinks I'm staying cooped up in my house to avoid a little cold weather, they're high. Not to mention, I think someone is making money off the idea that they invented hats, mittens and jackets! Just a few examples.
3) How to fold your clothes: Not sure why this is a big deal to some people, anal retentive much? Again, I've been folding and hanging up my clothes for several years and what I do works for me. Guess I was wrong again! It's been pointed out that the way I fold my clothes makes them have more wrinkles...as if I give a shit? They are lucky to be folded in the first place, usually they get rolled in a ball in the corner of the room, you think I'm worried about wrinkles?
4) My child is better than your child: This is a big one that has happened more than a few times! Those that remember (it's not something I can forget) Rylan has a milk protein intolerance, making him unable to digest milk properly and causing him to be extremely crabby! If we all remember right, there was a solid month where he lost weight, cried and wouldn't sleep. Think I didn't try everything I could to make it better?? I did! Finally he was diagnosed and the problem has since resolved. Meanwhile, I was getting emails, phone calls, text messages, etc giving me any kind of idea to help Rylan or resolve the issue, many of those were greatly appreciated. However, there was one that stands out in my mind where to this day, I still want to kick your ass for even saying it! Point taken here: I receive an email from 'Joan' telling me that her 'friends' baby (who is a month younger than Rylan) weighs more than Rylan, is a happy baby and sleeps just fine. 'Joan' tells me I should contact 'Sally' and get some tips from her on how she gets her baby to cooperate so well, gain weight and sleep great. 'Sally' is a first time mom as well and her baby has no health issues. 'Joan' then proceeds to tell me that 'Sally' is the best mom ever because her baby is so perfect. Here is my thought: take your unsolicited advice and shove it! So because my child has a health issue that made him lose weight and not sleep, that makes me a bad mom? Shove it! A side note on this topic: 'Marge' says "well my baby is crawling all over, or standing or walking, etc.... and he is younger than Rylan" or "well my baby has x amount of teeth and Rylan doesn't have any" GOOD FOR YOUR CHILD! It's not a secret that babies develop at different rates and just because Rylan doesn't have teeth and isn't crawling doesn't mean he's delayed in any way, shape or form. It means he's not biting me and running away!
So these are just a few examples of unsolicited advice, or just outright rudeness! While advice is usually welcomed from most people, offering advice is a tricky subject. You can always say "this is what worked for me" or "you may want to try this" but never, ever, EVER should your advice consist of the words "you should" or "this is the right way".
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Weird Things to Eat
My Strange Addiction, featured on TLC. What the hell is that all about? There is a guy that apparently thinks it's ok to eat glass and swallow bullets! How does this happen? You wake up one day, are eating breakfast and instead of looking at your glass of orange juice to drink it, the glass suddenly screams at you "eat me, this is a good idea"? Last time I checked, glass, metal and gun powder were not in the food groups! The guy on this show, eats champagne glasses, light bulbs, basically anything made of glass. Chews on it like a piece of gum and swallows it. Again I ask, why does this seem like a good idea? A doctor wanted to show him physical evidence that this was not a good idea, obviously telling him eating a glass for dinner was not a wise option wasn't enough for him to hear. He took x-rays the day after a bullet was swallowed. The x-ray showed 8 bullets throughout his stomach and intestines. Probably not the easily digested substance, especially since they were collecting in his body! The doctor tells him there is a good chance the glass he eats can cut his esophagus, stomach, cause internal bleeding, sepsis and death. When the guy leaves, he's on camera saying "I guess I didn't realize how dangerous this could be" DUH! Again I ask, why does this seem like a good idea?? How does someone not realize something that easily cuts your finger when you touch a broken piece of it can very easily cut the insides of you if ingested? So this brings me to my question for the day....
What is the strangest thing you have ever eaten?
What is the strangest thing you have ever eaten?
F*ck you and your French Fries
This is an OLDIE but surely GOODIE! As I was browsing through some old blogs I had posted years ago trying to find some inspiration for upcoming blogs, I came across this one and had to share it once again, mainly for those who have never read it before.
I stole this blog from one of my friends, who undoubtedly deserves nothing but the upmost respect for putting stupid people in their place. Now...enjoy the greatness of his story...it really is GREAT! Love ya man :)
So this story is supposed to be funny, but I can just see it now how much hate mail and negative comments I'm going to get for this...but here goes, I just have to write this and share it with all of you because it's just way too funny to keep in. Enjoy!
So last summer while I was managing a bar down in Burnsville I met this girl named Amber who told me that she thought I was cute. She was a cute little thing herself, she was 22 with medium length blond hair. We talked for a while and before she left she gave me her number. "Here's my number, but I have a boyfriend, so you can be my plan B when we break up."
So about 6 months passed and this past January I get a random text from a number I didn't recognize, asking me to come down to the 1200 Club that night. I responded by asking who it was, and when the reply came back "It's Amber", I told her that since I hadn't heard from her in so long, she didn't make my annual cell phone phone book cleanout (Don't act like you don't do this yourself!)
Fast forward to about 3 weeks ago when she texts me saying that she wants me to meet up with her at the bar cuz it's her friends birthday. I agree to meet up with her and after her telling me that she still has a boyfriend and that she didn't want me making it obvious I was there for her because although her boyfriend wasn't there, a few of his friends were. This girl is freakin trouble I thought to myself, so I finished my beer, said my goodbyes and I left.
The next week she texts me back and says she wants me to meet up with her again and that this time there wouldn't be any "spies" there. So you guessed it, I met up with her. Turns out her and her friends had won a party pack for that Friday, where they get a $70 bar tab. We get to the bar and she quickly finds out that the bar tab cannot be used on the $1 rail drink specials. Being the nice guy that I am and the fact, unbelievably so, that her and her friends didn't bring ANY cash or cards, I bought them all a few rounds of drinks. No big deal. They could still use the tab for shots and drinks after the special ended.
After a fifth round of drinks, I start wondering to myself about this girl and how she is probably starting to think that I could be her sugardaddy and would probably see how far she could take my wallet. Sure as shit, she says, "Rich, I didn't eat dinner tonight. Can you buy me some french fries?"
Now, if you think I can't afford $3.89 for a large order of fries, you're sadly mistaken. What I won't tolerate is someone taking another person for granted. You think I was included on their $70 bar tab? Hell no. And thats exactly what I told her when she asked for some fries. So the next day when I'm laying naked on her bed, what does she do? She blames me for her getting so drunk because I didn't buy her french fries. WTF. Get a job and a clue.
Now, the other day I get a text from her and and she seems like is in a really good mood. I reply to her, "Why are you in such a good mood this morning, did you get some? lol"
Now, whether she did or not is beside the point. Everyone should know the unwritten rule between friends with benefits - "You don't talk about what you do and either will I." So after she replied to me that yes in fact she did, I playfully responded to her that maybe I should make a phone call and get some myself.
"Oh yeah, from who?"
"I don't know, why don't you pick a letter of the alphabet?"
"A" (she more than likely wanted me to respond with her name, Amber)
"Good call. How about Amy, Angela, Amanda, Andrea, or Alison?"
"Fuck you", she tells me.
Which leads me to today. I get a text from her tonight asking me if I got laid last night or not. "No I didn't, but I did get some roadhead."
"Yeah right, I don't believe you."
"Well, I told you to pick a letter, you picked A, and I picked Angie."
"So you called some bitch to give you a blowjob??? How much did you have to pay her?" I laughed because even though with that comment she thought she had the best of me, I knew in fact that she didn't.
"I didn't have to pay her shit, but I did buy her some french fries."
"FUCK YOU!!!"
I stole this blog from one of my friends, who undoubtedly deserves nothing but the upmost respect for putting stupid people in their place. Now...enjoy the greatness of his story...it really is GREAT! Love ya man :)
So this story is supposed to be funny, but I can just see it now how much hate mail and negative comments I'm going to get for this...but here goes, I just have to write this and share it with all of you because it's just way too funny to keep in. Enjoy!
So last summer while I was managing a bar down in Burnsville I met this girl named Amber who told me that she thought I was cute. She was a cute little thing herself, she was 22 with medium length blond hair. We talked for a while and before she left she gave me her number. "Here's my number, but I have a boyfriend, so you can be my plan B when we break up."
So about 6 months passed and this past January I get a random text from a number I didn't recognize, asking me to come down to the 1200 Club that night. I responded by asking who it was, and when the reply came back "It's Amber", I told her that since I hadn't heard from her in so long, she didn't make my annual cell phone phone book cleanout (Don't act like you don't do this yourself!)
Fast forward to about 3 weeks ago when she texts me saying that she wants me to meet up with her at the bar cuz it's her friends birthday. I agree to meet up with her and after her telling me that she still has a boyfriend and that she didn't want me making it obvious I was there for her because although her boyfriend wasn't there, a few of his friends were. This girl is freakin trouble I thought to myself, so I finished my beer, said my goodbyes and I left.
The next week she texts me back and says she wants me to meet up with her again and that this time there wouldn't be any "spies" there. So you guessed it, I met up with her. Turns out her and her friends had won a party pack for that Friday, where they get a $70 bar tab. We get to the bar and she quickly finds out that the bar tab cannot be used on the $1 rail drink specials. Being the nice guy that I am and the fact, unbelievably so, that her and her friends didn't bring ANY cash or cards, I bought them all a few rounds of drinks. No big deal. They could still use the tab for shots and drinks after the special ended.
After a fifth round of drinks, I start wondering to myself about this girl and how she is probably starting to think that I could be her sugardaddy and would probably see how far she could take my wallet. Sure as shit, she says, "Rich, I didn't eat dinner tonight. Can you buy me some french fries?"
Now, if you think I can't afford $3.89 for a large order of fries, you're sadly mistaken. What I won't tolerate is someone taking another person for granted. You think I was included on their $70 bar tab? Hell no. And thats exactly what I told her when she asked for some fries. So the next day when I'm laying naked on her bed, what does she do? She blames me for her getting so drunk because I didn't buy her french fries. WTF. Get a job and a clue.
Now, the other day I get a text from her and and she seems like is in a really good mood. I reply to her, "Why are you in such a good mood this morning, did you get some? lol"
Now, whether she did or not is beside the point. Everyone should know the unwritten rule between friends with benefits - "You don't talk about what you do and either will I." So after she replied to me that yes in fact she did, I playfully responded to her that maybe I should make a phone call and get some myself.
"Oh yeah, from who?"
"I don't know, why don't you pick a letter of the alphabet?"
"A" (she more than likely wanted me to respond with her name, Amber)
"Good call. How about Amy, Angela, Amanda, Andrea, or Alison?"
"Fuck you", she tells me.
Which leads me to today. I get a text from her tonight asking me if I got laid last night or not. "No I didn't, but I did get some roadhead."
"Yeah right, I don't believe you."
"Well, I told you to pick a letter, you picked A, and I picked Angie."
"So you called some bitch to give you a blowjob??? How much did you have to pay her?" I laughed because even though with that comment she thought she had the best of me, I knew in fact that she didn't.
"I didn't have to pay her shit, but I did buy her some french fries."
"FUCK YOU!!!"
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Why is it Common Sense?
Have you ever found yourself having a conversation with someone, saying the phrase "it's common sense" and quickly realizing they still don't get it? There is one explanation for that. Common sense is NOT common! Sad but true....so why is it called 'common sense'? Let me break this down for you by definition. Common: occurring or appearing frequently. Sense: a meaning conveyed or intended; conscious awareness or rationality. Hmmm...so these 2 words alone make it seem as though they would go together and make a brillant concept and in fact, mean someone might have the frequent ability to be aware of something or that a conscious rationale could occur. Why when you put those 2 great words together to form "common sense" it screws everything up? Common sense: sound and prudent judgment based on a simple perception of the situation or facts. So what this says to me is, a person can be common or a person can have sense but if they don't have common sense, it is because their perception of the situation is blurred by having their head up their ass. Although common sense is not common, don't worry! Head up ass syndrome has made its way around the world quicker than the flu! Too bad their isn't a vaccine for that.
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