Unsolicited Advice

After posting something to my girls on my baby board, I feel the need to blog about this! Unsolicited Advice!! Everyone has those "know-it all" friends or family members that have something to say about everything you do, or don't do. Whether it be the way you cook, clean, shop, tie your shoes, raise your child right down to the way you should fold your bath towels....everyone has their own opinion on what works for them. When does a person draw the line on dishing out unsolicited advice? Now, before I get too far into this, I must say there IS a difference between trying to be helpful with advice and sharing stories of what may work or has worked for someone else. The problem arises when someone is constantly saying something should be done this way or that way, telling you how to raise your child up to someone elses standards or telling you what you've been doing for days/months/years isn't the "right" way, even though it works for you.

Let me give a few examples of what has happened to me. Names have been changed to protect the identities of potential advice violators.

1) Washing laundry: I have been doing laundry for years. Many more years than some people have been alive. What I do works for me, my clothes are clean and it's not a problem...for me anyway. Here is what I do. I seperate reds, darks, jeans, towels, Rylan's clothes, Joel's work clothes and whites. Apparently this is incorrect. Unsolicited advice given now: whites need to be seperated as well, into whites and socks. Socks get their own load. Not only their own load, but they must soak in bleach overnight in a seperate container. Not gonna happen in my world but thanks for trying!

2) How to raise your child: This is a big one that is often on the fence about trying to help and unsolicited advice. Giving helpful tips on what may work to soothe a child, enhance feeding, making more comfortable, etc is always welcome! Anything to make something easier in the arms of a child is GREAT! The problem comes when people say someone should do something one way or another. Point taken here: "it works better if you feed your baby solid food when he's starving, he'll eat more and won't eat as much formula, which will save you money" thank you for trying to save me money but solids in the form of baby food are not a caloric intake, therefore not giving baby the appropriate nutrition needed and he still needs the same amount of formula. Point taken here: you should never take your child outdoors when it's windy or chilly outside, they will get sick. Again, thanks for the concern about MY child but here's a little fact, germs make you sick, not cold! And if someone thinks I'm staying cooped up in my house to avoid a little cold weather, they're high. Not to mention, I think someone is making money off the idea that they invented hats, mittens and jackets! Just a few examples.

3) How to fold your clothes: Not sure why this is a big deal to some people, anal retentive much? Again, I've been folding and hanging up my clothes for several years and what I do works for me. Guess I was wrong again! It's been pointed out that the way I fold my clothes makes them have more wrinkles...as if I give a shit? They are lucky to be folded in the first place, usually they get rolled in a ball in the corner of the room, you think I'm worried about wrinkles?

4) My child is better than your child: This is a big one that has happened more than a few times! Those that remember (it's not something I can forget) Rylan has a milk protein intolerance, making him unable to digest milk properly and causing him to be extremely crabby! If we all remember right, there was a solid month where he lost weight, cried and wouldn't sleep. Think I didn't try everything I could to make it better?? I did! Finally he was diagnosed and the problem has since resolved. Meanwhile, I was getting emails, phone calls, text messages, etc giving me any kind of idea to help Rylan or resolve the issue, many of those were greatly appreciated. However, there was one that stands out in my mind where to this day, I still want to kick your ass for even saying it! Point taken here: I receive an email from 'Joan' telling me that her 'friends' baby (who is a month younger than Rylan) weighs more than Rylan, is a happy baby and sleeps just fine. 'Joan' tells me I should contact 'Sally' and get some tips from her on how she gets her baby to cooperate so well, gain weight and sleep great. 'Sally' is a first time mom as well and her baby has no health issues. 'Joan' then proceeds to tell me that 'Sally' is the best mom ever because her baby is so perfect. Here is my thought: take your unsolicited advice and shove it! So because my child has a health issue that made him lose weight and not sleep, that makes me a bad mom? Shove it! A side note on this topic: 'Marge' says "well my baby is crawling all over, or standing or walking, etc.... and he is younger than Rylan" or "well my baby has x amount of teeth and Rylan doesn't have any" GOOD FOR YOUR CHILD! It's not a secret that babies develop at different rates and just because Rylan doesn't have teeth and isn't crawling doesn't mean he's delayed in any way, shape or form. It means he's not biting me and running away!

So these are just a few examples of unsolicited advice, or just outright rudeness! While advice is usually welcomed from most people, offering advice is a tricky subject. You can always say "this is what worked for me" or "you may want to try this" but never, ever, EVER should your advice consist of the words "you should" or "this is the right way".