A Little Rylan in Your Life

Having a 3 year old is quite the adventure, as anyone who has ever had one is well aware of and anyone that is going to venture there will soon find out. Even though my 3 year old makes me want to commit myself to the nut house on a regular basis, he has his very entertaining moments, which I’m about to share with you now. Here are a few “Rylanisms” as I call them and I’ve ran out of brain power trying to figure out where he gets this stuff from!

So here we are getting ready to leave the house one day and Joel has a spare suitcase sitting in the bedroom from when he left for Korea. It’s the smaller size but still has wheels. As I’m brushing my teeth I hear Rylan yell “Bye mom” which is nothing new because he always tells me he’s going somewhere (usually Target). I walk around to corner to see him dragging the suitcase behind him and when I ask where he’s going he nicely replies “I’m moving out mom, bye” Ok boy….peace out!

We’re at the car wash and I’m spraying off the car while the boys are in their car seats inside watching. Rylan is hysterically laughing everytime I spray his window. Once I get back in the car we are on our way home when I hear from the backseat giggling and him saying “oh no mom” I realize he took his cup of juice and shook it all over the inside of the car, mostly covering the window, which was now dripping with sticky juice. I ask him why he did that and he says “now you have to wash the car again and spray me” great kid….now I have to wash the inside of the car!

We’re sitting in the living room watching tv before bed when he jumps up in a hurry, grabs my hand and states “LETS GO NOW”. I wasn’t sure where we were going but I soon found out it was to the bathroom because “mom, I have to poop real bad” So he sits on the potty, pees and jumps up and says “the poop isn’t there, it’s hiding” and puts his pants back on and leaves.

I pick the boys up from daycare and always gets Rylan first because lets face it, Jackson is just too much to carry around all the time with his almighty fatness! I go in Rylan’s room, he runs up to me like always but usually he says “mom, you’re here” but this time he smacked my butt and took off running. While I was signing him out, he did it again and said “I spank your butt cuz I can” Ummm…ok??

His latest thing is not wanting to eat, EVER! So Jackson and I usually eat dinner together while Rylan’s food is getting cold and petrified. I asked him one night to come eat his dinner only to hear “no mom, I’m busy”

We’re laying on the couch before bed one night and Rylan starts picking at his toes, which is nothing unusual since he apparently has a severe foot fetish with his own feet, thank god! He likes to pick the lint out of them I guess. So here he is picking at his toes when he says “mom, I have stinky feet” and proceeds to shove his feet in my face. Thanks buddy!

Its obvious if you’ve read any of my Facebook posts that this kid has some issues with the refrigerator, funny since he never wants to eat. I’m about to move the fridge into the garage just so he can’t get in there! So today I make the mistake of going pee, god forbid I have a chance to do that and I hear “uh oh” and this little crash sound. C’mon, I have a 3 year old, crash sounds are nothing new! What was new was walking around the corner to find the fridge door propped open by a carton of eggs but all of the eggs were smashed on the floor. Very nice!

After cleaning the eggs, we get ready to leave the house to make our weekly trip to Costco. I love Costco, not so much for what they have to buy but for their carts! Do other places not know how much easier it is to plop 2 kids in the seats of the cart so you can actually fill your cart with food instead of having a 3 year old hog the space in the cart? Anyway, we’re just leaving the house and Rylan says “I don’t want to pee in the grass mom” I said that’s good, peeing in the grass is gross but why don’t you want to pee in the grass? He says “The snakes will eat my wiener” WTF?!?

We get to Costco and are walking through the aisles when Rylan sees a man with a beard and yells “JUDAH” (Who is Rylan’s uncle) I said no baby, that’s not Judah and he says but mom, he has Judah’s beard! Hahaha! Apparently every guy with a beard is now uncle Judah!

Shortly after this we are walking in another aisle just in time for him to scream at me “I need donuts mom” as we’re walking, we stop by a group of older women and I ask him why (my bad for stopping there) but he says “I need donuts cuz they make my belly not hurt” I thought the ladies were going to need to visit the aisle with the Depends!

Here we are at the park, playing catch with the smallest ball ever known to man! Rylan throws it too short for me and it lands closer to him but he says he can’t get it. I ask him why he can’t get it and he yells “my leg is broken” and proceeds to fall over on the ground. I think the other parents there thought he was serious until he popped back up laughing hysterically!

So there are a few short stories of the things I endure throughout my day with my little naughty boy that is ever so entertaining at times! Just in case anyone was wondering!